.....my own selfishness.........
I called it by many other names, but it was Selfish.
He who passes the years of his life
deluded by his own motives
could never hope to find peace.
I had demanded life-all of it- my life, with my own imprint on it.
Believed I could never find this at home.
I would be smothered
with kindness & love & family & provincialism & security.
No chance at all for a person to gamble on his own ability
to find his own special place.
Driven by the spasms of my self-hatred
I climbed deeper and deeper into the self delusion...........